I don’t drink caffeine.  Haven’t had caffeine since my heart surgery in 2002.

I don’t eat a lot of salt.  Salt has been banned since about the same time as my surgery.

I watch the fat.  I watch the sugar.  I try to eat more fruits and vegetables and brown rice and less cheese and bacon and eggs.  It feels sometimes like I’ve given up everything that tastes good or is fun to eat.

It’s a common paradox that a lot of people face.  Some people try to find substitutes for the high fat, high sodium foods they enjoyed.  Others simply bar certain foods or types of foods from their lives entirely, thinking, I would guess, that not being tempted is the only route to health.  Other people, like me, revamp their diets entirely, but cling to that one small thing they just can’t bear to let go.

For me that thing is dark chocolate.   I love the stuff.  Luckily, as it turns out, it can also be good for you in small doses.

The Cleveland Clinic, the very clinic where I had my last surgery, has this to say on the subject of heart health and dark chocolate:

Flavanols are the main type of flavonoid found in cocoa and chocolate. In addition to having antioxidant qualities, research indicates that flavanols have other positive influences on vascular health, such as lowering blood pressure and improving blood flow to the brain and heart, making blood platelets less sticky and able to clot, and lowering cholesterol.

According to other studies, eating dark chocolate can help lower stress,  increase the amount of antioxidants in your blood and  help reduce chronic inflammation.   Obviously, the amount of dark chocolate that is eaten has to be watched because the health benefits can be overwhelmed by the excess calories.   Medical experts universally agree that carrying extra weight is detrimental, so the amount of dark chocolate in a person’s diet should be limited.

For me, dark chocolate adds a bit of indulgence to a diet that often feels anything but indulgent.  By nature I’m a meat and potatoes, slap on the sour cream and cheese, bring on the chocolate kind of girl.  I’ve had to learn to revamp my diet quite a lot and most of what I eat now isn’t exactly in line with my natural inclinations.  Dark chocolate, in moderation, is one thing that tastes rich and exactly as it should.  A small amount satisfies my sweet tooth without expanding my waistline.  The fact that it also has health benefits is just the icing on the cake.

Food has always been the way I dealt, or didn’t deal, with how I felt about what was happening in my life.  Someone made me angry and I didn’t get mad, I got pizza.  I was happy and needed to celebrate so I went out to dinner.  There was chips and dip when I was lonely and felt like I didn’t fit in, chocolate when I was sad or tense, and cheesy, gooey nachos drowned in sour cream when I felt completely unloved, even by myself.   Although I may give voice to my feelings on occasion, it’s far more likely that I’ll stuff them away, and stuff myself with food to keep them from coming out.

I would guess that I’m not the first overweight person that uses food as a coping mechanism.  Food has always been easy for me, especially when emotions were hard.  Food never let me down, was always reliable and was always there, in easy reach, often before I asked for it.  When personal relationships were rocky, when jobs or education or romance didn’t work out,  when I felt stressed or when the world just felt too demanding, food was a comfort, something simple  that seemed to soothe the rough edges.

Dealing with the rest of the world could be hard.  Food was easy.

One of the thing that I’m trying to do as I work toward getting healthy, both physically and mentally, is to figure out why I do what I do.  Some may argue that this leads me to some excessive naval gazing, but I find it helpful.  I’ve started to stop and think before I pick up that phone and order a pizza or before I eat that whole bag of chips.  I stop now and ask myself why I want to eat what I think I want to eat, and often the answer isn’t hunger.  Often the answer is I’m mad, or I’m sad, or I’m lonely.  Very rarely is the answer I’m achieving things or I’m content or I’m happy.

I’m starting to discover that part of the answer I’m seeking isn’t stuffing my feelings by stuffing myself.  I need to let myself feel what I feel and I need to express those feelings when appropriate.  That’s a hard thing for me to do, but I’m working on doing it more often.

And that, surprisingly enough, feels good.

In the past few weeks I’ve lamented a bit about the state of my wardrobe.  Clothes are getting too big for me.  I’m trying to figure out what to do about keeping my body suitably clothed while it continues to change shape.   People who know me would tell you that my wardrobe has needed a makeover for a while now.  They’d also tell you I’m not a clothes conscious person.  If it doesn’t have holes or visible stains and it matches reasonably well, I”ll wear it.  A clotheshorse I am not.

The same lack of appearance consciousness extends to this blog.  I’m all about the words.  What they look like doesn’t much matter to me.  Still, the urge to make things over has been stirring in the last few weeks, and that urge has extended to this blog.  I’ve changed themes here a couple of times already, but had never found one that really worked for me.  One theme was too bland.  Another was far too green.  Nothing seemed to fit quite right.

In addition to not being a clotheshorse, I am also emphatically not a coder.  As Steve from Vanseodesign would confirm, I know just enough HTML to be a menace to any unsuspecting code I try to alter.   Steve is the one who rescues me when I mess something up and the one who keeps my blogs in working order.  I doubt these blogs would exist without him.

Despite my acknowledged lack of coding skills, I do know enough to upload and change a blog theme, so I decided to give it a try.  This new theme was created by a designer who has an array of themes available for download at Scribble Scratch.  I chose the new theme for a couple of reasons.  One, I liked the colors.  Two, I liked the image of the woman in the teal skirt.  While I don’t think I’ll ever be wearing belly baring shirts, surgery scars would prohibit that, I can envision the day when I might show up in a cute top and a short little skirt.  Somehow the image just seemed appropriate.

So, the blog got a makeover and it was easier and went more smoothly than I had thought.

Here’s hoping my clothing upgrade goes as well.

As I mentioned yesterday, today is the day I am going to start a new series. In this series I’ll be reviewing things that I’ve tried that may be helpful to other people. It might be a book, or a DVD, or a web site I’ve found useful. It might be a recipe. The goal of these reviews is to help other people who might be looking for the sorts of things that I’m already using. I figure if I share my knowledge, others might share theirs as well and then we’ll all be better off. Losing weight is a tough thing to do, it is helpful to learn from those who have already walked the path you’re following.

Today I’m going to review Leslie Sansone: Walk at Home – 5 Mile Fat Burning Walk. I’m a big fan of Leslie Sansone’s videos, in fact the first exercise video I ever did was one of hers. I like her videos because they’re simple, they don’t feature a lot of flashy moves or dancy steps, and the shorter ones are great for people who are just starting to exercise. The aren’t so intimidating that you think you’ll never be able to finish the workout. When you’re just starting out, that’s a very comforting thing.

The first thing I want to tell you is that the Five Mile Fat Burning Walk is a bit more challenging. Each mile ends with a “boost” which is two minutes of jogging. One of the nice things about this video is that Leslie exercises with a group and divides the group into those who do the boost and those who stay at the low impact pace. So you always have the choice to take things a little more slowly if that’s what you wish.

Another thing that I really liked about this video was the fact that it is divided into mile segments. You have the option of stopping at the end of each mile if you want or you can play the DVD in on continuous 5 mile segment. I was glad I had the option to play each mile individually, because I ended up stopping after three miles. I’m going to have to work up to doing the whole five mile segment in one go.

The choreography for this video is very basic, walking, knee lifts, kicks and side steps. There is some arm work and a few variations on the leg work, but it’s all very simple and straightforward. If you can walk you can do this video. The pace is fairly fast and speeds up as each mile goes along, and each mile features the two minute jogging boost at the end. Even when walking the past is not a slow one. This is a good work out.

If there was anything I didn’t like about this video, it was some of Leslie’s mannerisms. When she exercises with others she calls people “doll” and is a little too cute for my taste. I guess she and the other exercisers are trying to create a “girlfriends” exercising together sort of atmosphere, but I founding it a little cloying. Still, it was a minor annoyance, and certainly didn’t get in the way of a good workout. Overall I would recommend this video to anyone who’s looking for a challenging yet simple workout.

Because I bought a house last year, I got a pretty nice refund on my taxes.  I decided to use some of that money to buy a few new exercise DVDs.  I’ve been working out to the ones I currently have for quite a while, and I figured it was time to move up to something more challenging.  So I bought seven new DVDs that are a mixture of aerobics and toning.  I’m pretty excited about my new stash.

Since I have these new DVDs, I figured it would be a perfect time to add DVD reviews to this blog.  That way you guys can get the benefits of hearing from someone who has actually tried the DVD before you go out and make a purchase yourself.  I’ll also confess that this gives me a ready made subject for this blog, which is a good thing.  I’ve been trying to get back to a more regular posting schedule here, and having some topics on tap will be helpful.

One of the first recommendations I want to make is for the site from which I bought the videos, Collage Video.  This is a terrific site with great prices and a wide array of videos.  What I really like about the site is that they review each video and give you a realistic description of the video.  I’ve bought videos from this site on a few occasions and I have yet to disagree with their assessment of the videos I’ve bought.   It’s nice to get a little more info on the videos thatn you can get from simply reading the back of the case.

In addition to the new videos I recently got from Collage Video, I’ll also be reviewing some that I’ve purchased previously and have used for a while.  I figure the more information I can put out there, the more everyone will benefit.  I’m also hoping I might inspire some other people to recommend some DVDs that they’ve found useful.  I’ve discovered that one of the challenges of exercise is keeping it challenging.  Sometimes it’s nice to do a DVD you’ve already mastered, but doing something that pushes you a bit is generally more beneficial.

The first DVD review Leslie Sansone: Walk at Home – 5 Mile Fat Burning Walk will go up tomorrow.

Also, I wanted to remind everyone that the Cooking Light Cookbook Giveaway is still going on and continues through Sunday. There’s still time to get entered for the cookbook.

When I first started exercising,  I knew two things.  One was that I really hated exercising.  The other was that I was desperately out of shape.  I knew I needed a tape that would be a good work out but wouldn’t be so overwhelming that I couldn’t keep up.  I didn’t want anything that required a lot of fancy moves, and if I could find something that let me know how far I had to go until I was done, that would be great too.

I had pretty much dispaired of finding anything that would work until I found the workout DVDs by Leslie Sansone.   I started with Leslie Sansone – Walk Away the Pounds – High Calorie Burn – 2 Miles. This DVD had a meter on the bottom so I could see how far I had to go. There were all different sizes of people in the video, so I wasn’t watching impossibly chipper, thin people jump around. It was also easy to learn the steps. I wasn’t required to learn a lot of terminology or fancy moves. The video is mostly simple marches, kicks and sidesteps. It’s a good work out, but not too hard.

I still do the 2 mile video on occasion, but I have graduated to slightly harder and more demanding stuff. My current favorite is Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds – Walk and Jog. This is a tougher video, it’s at a much faster pace and it does have a higher cardio requirement. The nice part about it is that the steps are still simple. There isn’t a meter on this one, but it goes fast and while I know I’ve worked out by the end of it, I don’t feel like a limp dishrag.

I’m always looking for recommendations for good exercise DVDs, so if you have some, please do share. I’m about ready to move on to some new exercise programs, so I’d love some advice about what I should get.

I love pot roast.  It’s probably one of my favorite meals ever.  I’m a purist about it, I don’t want tomatoes or mushrooms or anything else in my pot roast.  I just want carrots and onions and potatoes and lovely roast beef.  This is the meal I always requested when I was a kid and my Mom was making a celebratory dinner on my behalf.  It simply soothes the heart of this meat and potatoes girl.

My mother had a great recipe for pot roast and it’s the one I’ve always used.  It wasn’t hard to make and it tasted divine.  The only problem with the recipe is that it relied on a particular soup stock to give it flavor and the bouillon in question is very high in sodium.   You may be able to see where the problem begins.

Since my heart issues I’ve been on a low sodium diet.   Eating a lot of sodium leads to high blood pressure (bad) and may lead to fluid build up (very bad) which could ultimately lead to congestive heart failure (very, very, bad).  My heart is battered enough as it is and eating right and exercising and getting enough sleep are things that can help it have to work less hard.  Watching my diet and my sodium intake is a pretty easy thing to do, and it has big benefits, so I try to be really aware of how much salt I’m eating.

Most of the time that’s not a hardship.  Every once in the while, as in the case of my beloved pot roast, it is a sacrifice.  I’ve tried several low sodium pot roast recipes and none have come out right.  The meat is tough.  The gravy is flavorless.  The recipe just doesn’t taste like the meal I love.  I’ve tried recipes using red wine, and using soy sauce and various and sundry no sodium bouillons, and I’ve tried cooking the roast in the oven and in the crock pot and nothing seems to work.

I knew that adjusting my diet would require some sacrifices and, for the most part, I’ve been o.k. with that.  Losing my roast beef dinner would be a real blow though, and I’d like to find a recipe that works for me while still staying within the guidelines of my diet.

Anyone have any ideas?

Wow, this blog has been pretty neglected.  The last thing I wrote was about my sadness that losing weight wasn’t changing my life as much as I thought it would, and then I dropped off the face of the earth.  I never intended for this blog to be silent this long,  but at the same time I was at a bit of a loss as to what to do with it.  Finally I just decided to start with where I am right now and move forward.

Where I am right now is still losing weight and getting in shape.  My clothes are still getting bigger and my bulges are getting smaller.  I’m gaining muscles where there once was flab.  I was recently told “you must be losing weight, you have a jawline now” which, while a backhanded compliment, was clearly also evidence that I’m doing something right. I’m still on the weight loss and fitness journey and I still have stuff to say about it.  I fully intend to keep talking about things here.

I also am going to add a few new features for the new year.  One thing I want to do is book reviews.  I read a lot and I’ve read a lot of weight loss books.  I plan to start talking about what I liked and what I didn’t like and why I felt the way I felt.  There are a lot of weight loss books and cookbooks out there aimed at people trying to lose weight.  I’ll tell you what I’ve tried and what worked for me and what didn’t.

Another category I plan to cover is exercise videos and DVDs.  As someone who is a reformed exercise hater, I now have several DVDs in my collection and I will be adding more.  I’ll tell you what worked for me and what didn’t and why.  I’d also like to solicit some opinions from those who read this blog.  I’ m always looking for new DVDs and I know others are as well.  I’d love to hear from some of you what works for you and what doesn’t work.

Finally, I want to talk more about cooking and recipes on this blog.  One of the main challenges for me as I’ve worked to lose weight has been learning to cook in new ways.  I’m still a meat, potatoes and gravy girl at heart, but I’m working to retrain my taste buds and my cooking skills.  I’ll be talking about my efforts here and hopefully sharing a tip or two that will help the rest of you.

I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long but I’m back now.  I hope those of you who’ve stuck around will join me as I continue my weight loss journey.  I’d sure enjoy the company.

I don’t know why, but I’ve been experiencing food nostalgia all day. I find myself thinking that I’d love to go home and eat a big bag of chips with dip. I’m craving a greasy Idaho pizza, dripping with cheese and bacon and slathered in full fat sour cream. I want to eat what I want, when I want, without worrying about fat grams or calories or sugar or sodium. I want to return to the halcyon days when the only concern I had about the food I put in my mouth was whether or not it tasted good.

Most of the time I’ve made my peace with the fact that I have to take a different attitude toward food now. If I want to get healthier and stay healthier I have to think about fat grams and sodium and sugar and calories. I have to make smarter choices and put more thought into what I eat. I also need to turn away foods I love because the cost of eating them is just too high. I know all this, and most of the time I accept it.

Still, everyone once in a while, I get nostalgic for the days when I ate what I wanted when I wanted. I remember with fondness eating a bag of chips with fatty, salty french onion dip. I remember going to a fast food restaurant and picking out what I wanted based on whether or not it was a hamburger (I don’t like fast food hamburgers) and not based on the amount of salt, fat and calories in the food. I remember eating restaurant Chinese food and thinking it was good for me because it had vegetables in it. I remember eating a candy bar simply because I wanted one.

I find it at least a little bit sad that those days are over for me now. I’m cursed with the burden of knowledge. I could eat what I like without thought of the consequences, but I’d probably be shortening my life. In the short time I’ve been eating better and exercising regularly, my heart function has improved dramatically. That, to me, is worth all the chips and dip and Idaho pizzas in the world. I guess, instead of getting nostalgic, that’s what I need to remember.

In my last post I wrote about how much I hate being right when it comes to being in poor health.  When I wrote that post I didn’t know the half of it.  The next morning I woke up and was in afib again.  I was subsequently back in the hospital for three days.  I’m on new meds which appear to be working.  I’m also mad as hell.

I want to lose weight.  I want to be healthy.  I had hoped, and probably talked myself into, the idea that this afib thing was a one time deal.  Now I’ve had two episodes in a single week.  

My body and I have always been at odds.  It breaks out in rashes and my eyes are bad and my spine has a slight curve and the list goes on and on.  In and of themselves none of these things is life threatening or even much more than a minor annoyance.  Add them all up, however, and I often feel like I was put together with factory seconds by someone who didn’t read the manual.

I’ve read that one of the important things you need to do to lose weight is to learn to love your body, even when it doesn’t look like you want it to look.  My problem is that my body not only doesn’t look like I want it to look, it also doesn’t work like I want it to work.  I find myself getting angry that yet again I’m dealing witha health issue.  I also, sometimes at least, find myself wondering what the heck all the sweating and eating right and trying to get healthy is for. 

Right now, that’s where we are.  The new drugs are working.  My heart rate and blood pressure are good. 

So, I guess, tonight I love my body.  I hope I feel the same way tomorrow.