One of the great paradoxes that I’ve discovered since I’ve started exercising on a regular basis is this:  my stamina varies widely from day to day.  At first I thought it had to do with how motivated I was about exercising on any given day, and to some extent it does.  If I don’t really feel like exercising I have to push myself harder to go the distance.  I can, however, power through that feeling and I usually end up feeling much more positive and upbeat when I’m finished exercising.  Somehow it doesn’t seem to be about motivation.

Of course being hungry and/or tired can also effect how much and how hard I exercise.  I tend to exercise after I get home from work and before dinner, mostly because I’m just too lazy and like my sleep too much to get up in the morning and exercise.  Some days, if I time my meals and snacks properly, I’m full of energy when I get home and I breeze through my workout.  Other days, it’s exactly the opposite.  I arrive home tired and shaky and I don’t make it nearly as far through whatever my planned workout is for the day.

It’s funny, because I always assumed that getting fitter would be a steady series of plateaus.  Each day I’d be able to go a little further than the day before and in this way I’d make incremental progress toward my goals.  In real life, or at least in my life, that’s not how it has happened.  My progress comes in fits and starts.  One day I get through a tape with ease and feel that I really accomplished something.  The next day I make it about halfway and quit.

I’m not sure if it’s about motivation, if it’s about blood sugar or getting hit harder by my meds, or if there’s some X factor that I just haven’t figured out yet, but I’d like to come up with some sort of answer.  Is this type of back and forth progress normal?  Are there things I can do to avoid it? Should I just be glad I’m getting thinner and fitter and not worry if my progress isn’t always a straight line forward.  I’d love some input on this.

Right now I’m just happy that a dedicated exercisephobe like me is even working up a sweat on a regular basis.  That’s an accomplishment and I don’t discount it.  Regardless, I’d still like to make steady progress forward.  I am doing this for my health, but I’m also doing it for a sense of accomplishment.  Being able to go a bit further today than I could yesterday gives me that sense of accomplishment.  I’d just like to be able to do it on a consistent basis.

I am not a creature of moderation.  Over the years I’ve learned that I can become obsessive really easily.  When I embarked on this weight loss journey, I made a promise to myself that there were a few things I would not do.  One, I wouldn’t weigh myself all the time and live and die by whether or not I’ve lost or gained a pound.  So far I’ve managed to keep to that resolution fairly well.  Two, I wouldn’t become obsessive about “good” and “bad” foods.  I’d try to eat sensibly but allow myself a few treats as well.  I’ve done fairly well with that resolution as well.  I don’t beat myself up when I eat something I shouldn’t, and I manage to eat fairly well the majority of the time.

My third resolution is the one that’s giving me trouble.  I also resolved that I wouldn’t push my body to the breaking point with exercise.  I seem to have two speeds when it comes to exercise, sloth and train like you’re planning to run a marathon tomorrow.  I want to feel the burn, because to me that feels like I’ve accomplished something.  The only problem is my body isn’t ready for that yet, and I tend to push things too far.

My body is still adjusting to a lot of things.  I’ve lost 35 pounds.  I’m taking a lot of new medications and some significantly higher doses of a few old ones.  I’m eating in a whole new way, and I’m taking in fewer calories.  I’ve also upped my physical exertion quite a bit.  The combination is tending to throw my body into a tailspin.  It hasn’t quite learned how to handle things yet.

I also tend to overexercise because that helps my stress level and my heart rate.  If I exercise to the point of exhaustion, I’m too tired to worry about what my heart is doing.  Being tired also means I don’t have the energy to be stressed and thus my heart rate tends to stay lower.  The only problem is that I pay for the over exertion the next day.

What I’d like to do is find a happy medium.  I want to continue to lose weight.  I want to get a good workout and reduce stress.  I’d like to work all my muscles, including my heart so they function efficiently.  I’d also like to manage all that without feeling as though I’ve been pummelled.  I’m just not sure how to do that yet.

How do you exercise with moderation and still ensure you’re getting a good workout? I don’t want to baby myself, but I don’t want to push myself to the absolute limit either.  If anyone has any suggestions, I would really appreciate them.   At this point I could use a little help.

Lately, just as I have been slacking on writing for this blog, I’ve also been slacking off when it comes to exercise.  I  know all the benefits of exercise, but I go through periods where I just don’t want to do it. Sometimes I have a tendency to avoid doing what’s best for me, even when I know it’s what I should do.

The problem is that when I don’t exercise I tend to be a lot more tense.  Carrying more tension tends to make my heart rate go up which tends to make me more tense and suddenly I’m in a vicious cycle of rising heart rate and stress.  I know that stress is bad for my heart.  I know it causes my heart rate to increase.  Since I’m much happier if my heart rate stays steady and solid, it’s in my best interest to make sure I carry as little stress as possible.  Exercise is one way to accomplish that.

Today I was very stressed.  Yesterday I felt the same way, but I didn’t exercise when I came home.  I ended up taking a Xanax to calm down, something I try to avoid.  Today I decided to try a different tack.  I did two things that I think really made a difference.

The first thing I did was let some of frustration with the situation and myself out.  I came home and beat on the bed with a pillow and made some noise.  Part of the problem with being frustrated is you feel like you can’t let it out.  I allowed it out and expressed it, which seems to help make it go away.

The second thing I did was exercise.  I did a very challenging tape that left me feeling drained by the end of it.  Focusing on the exercise and working up a good sweat also left me feeling more relaxed and less stressed.  It took a bit, but gradually my heart rate started coming down.  I also noticed that I felt more up beat and happy and relaxed.

Clearly, exercise can help me be less tense and more in control.  I need to make sure that some form of exercise is part of my daily routine.  The benefits of making exercise a daily thing are quite evident.  Not only does it help me be less stressed and keep my heart rate steady, it also helps me lose weight and increase my fitness level.  With all those benefits, why wouldn’t I exercise every day?

That question is probably a subject for another post.

I’m naturally a pretty tense person.  I tend to worry a bit too much and take things to heart a bit too much and obsess a bit too much.  I’m working on all those things and I have gotten much better, but I still probably carry more tension than the average person.  It’s just how I am.

In the old days my stress buster was food.  If I was feeling sad or mad or really feeling anything at all, I’d eat something, and generally a lot of something.  While this didn’t do anything or my health or my weight, it did, at least temporarily, help me feel less stressed.  The problem became that, like any drug, it took more food to do the job.  Plus not just any food would do.  Carrots didn’t make me feel less stressed.  Chips and dip did.  It clearly was a recipe for disaster.

Since I’ve been working on getting thinner and healthier, I’ve also had to work on finding new ways to defuse stress.  One way is to just try to take things less seriously and less to heart.  The more easy going I become about things, the more fun my life becomes.  I’ve also come to the realization that I tend to make mountains out of molehills at times.  A lot of the things I worry about never happen.  A lot of what I fear never comes true.  If I just stop worrying, I save myself a lot of stress and a lot of time.  It sounds cliche but it’s really true.  Whatever will be, will be.  Worrying won’t change things.

Another stress buster that really works is exercise.  If I’m feeling mad I’ll come home and do some boxing and a hard driving aerobic tape.  If I’ve been sitting for quite a while, I’m come home and do some jogging.  If I’m feeling down I’ll do a dancy, up beat tape.  That usually lifts my spirits.  Exercise relaxes me and helps me deal with stress.  After I’m done with my workout, I may feel tired, but I also feel relaxed.  I’m usually also better able to put whatever was worrying me into perspective.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say that I love exercise, but I certainly have learned to appreciate it’s benefits.  In addition to a healthier body and stronger muscles, it also helps me manage stress.  I can’t really ask for more than that.

I have to confess that I’m probably never going to love exercise.  I want to love it.  I want to eager to exercise.  Most of the time, however, I’m not.  While I know it is good for me to move and I really do feel the benefits, I still have to force myself to exercise and often want to quit halfway through.  As much as I want to become a fitness junkie, a lot of me is happier curled up on the couch with a blanket, a cup of tea and a book or my laptop.

As motivation to keep exercising I thought I list some of the reasons why exercise is a good idea.  That way, when I’m feeling like I would rather not sweat on any given day I can come to this post and read all the reasons why sweating, whether I want to or not, is a good idea.

Reason #1:  Exercise helps with stress – I tend to be a worrier and I stress myself out a lot.  Exercise helps me relax and get rid of some of the tension that drives up my heart rate and cuts into my sleep.

Reason #2:  Exercise helps me lose weight – Exercise helps me burn calories, and the more calories I burn, the more weight I lose.  It’s that simple.

Reason #3:  Exercise helps me sleep – I’m not a good sleeper, never have been.  Exercise helps me relax and sleep better and more deeply.

Reason #4:  Exercise allows me to eat more and more of what I want – I’m trying to watch salt and fat and sugar.  If I didn’t exercise I’d be reduced to eating cottage cheese and a lettuce leaf, which doesn’t, at least to me, sound very appetizing.  Exercise allows me to eat more calories, and reasonable portions of more of the foods that I like.

Reason #5:  Exercise helps me build the body I want – I actually have muscles now.  I also have more endurance.  Exercise helped me achieve both those things.

Reason #6:  Exercise helps my heart – Cute Cardiologist tells me that exercise has already improved my heart function.  The heart is a muscle.  It benefits from exercise just like any other muscle.

Reason #7: Exercise helps my mood – I’m prone to down days and black moods on occasion.  Exercise does create endorphins and endorphins help keep my moods on the upswing.

Reason #8: Exercise makes my clothes fit (or not fit) - When you’re a larger size you never feel like you look good in your clothing.  Since I’ve been losing weight, I feel like I look better in my clothes.  Things aren’t so tight or uncomfortable.  I can wear something that reflects the shape of my body without feeling silly.

So there it is, 8 reasons to exercise when I don’t feel like doing so.  I could probably come up with a lot more, but in this case, I think I’ll say that 8 is enough.

I recently wrote a post about saving on exercise equipment, gear and videos for another blog that I write, A Frugal Housewife. In the comments on that post a couple of people mentioned that they have a hard time getting motivated to exercise. The truth is, I have a hard time getting motivated to exercise too. I’m never going to be one that enjoys a good sweat. If they invented a way to lose a hundred pounds while sitting on your sofa and reading a book, I’d be first in line to try it. Unfortunately, the best way to lose weight is still to eat right and to sweat and move your body. Since some of you, like me, are having trouble getting motivated, I thought I’d share a few of the ways I get myself motivated when I’m feeling less than energetic.

1. Exercise works. I’ve lost about 25 pounds so far. People are telling me I look thinner. My clothes are fitting much better and in some cases are getting too big. I never achieved these kind of results from sitting around and wishing I was thinner. Whether I like it or not, getting out and moving my body does get results.

2. Exercise makes me healthier. Cute Cardiologist told me that my heart function had greatly improved at my last appointment. He attributes a lot of that to my exercise routine. The heart is a muscle and it works like any other muscle. Use it and make it work and it gets stronger.

3. Exercise allows me to eat what I want with less guilt. Notice I didn’t say no guilt. Still, exercise gives me more leeway in what I eat. It also helps ensure that I won’t have an attack of the screaming guiltys is I have a piece of chocolate or a handful of microwave popcorn. It’s true I can’t eat everything I want, but I can have a wider choice of foods if I choose to exercise.

4. Exercise causes endorphins. We all have days when we feel a little down. Exercise helps pump up the chemicals in your body and brain that make you feel happy. Exercise also helps reduce stress and anger.

Finally, I wanted to share the main reason that I’m motivated to exercise. It is, simply this: If I exercise most days I can say the hell with it when I have a day where I really just don’t feel like it. Unless you’re an athlete or training for a major sporting event, you don’t have to exercise every day. That, somehow, makes the days that I do exercise seem like a little bit less of a chore.

I have five or six exercise tapes I like to do. I’ve told myself I can’t purchase any more tapes until I get into a regular exercise routing and conquer the tapes I already have. My problem is that the tapes I already have are starting to get boring. There are a couple where I can recite the narration right along with the person who is leading the class. I can even repeat every stupid joke.

I’m not sure what the solution for this problem will be. One idea might be to try some different forms of exercise. Kayaking looks like fun. I could find some different paths to follow and walk for exercise. I could try out a gym, a lot of them are always offering a free week’s membership to let you try the place out. I could start doing more strength training. I suppose there are really a lot of things I could do if I had the motivation.

If I had to guess I’d say my problem isn’t so much boredom with exercise and it is boredom with having to exercise. I’m tired of feeling like I have to get up and sweat every morning. I don’t do much in the way of sports, so exercise for me is something that happens purposefully. It’s not something I get while I’m doing an activity that I enjoy.

I suppose that’s another avenue I could take. I could find some activities I enjoy that also require physical exertion. I could also look into exercise classes or hiking groups or something that would put me with other people. Being in a group could also help make exercise less of a chore and more fun.

One thing I do know is that I need to keep exercise. My weight loss plans have often been derailed in the past by my dislike for sweating and exercise. I’m not going to let that happen this time.

I’ve talked a lot lately about the physical benefits of exercise, but I haven’t talked much about the mental benefits.  I’ve been having some difficulty lately adjusting to this whole afib thing.  It’s just so random.  One minute I’m fine and the next I’m in the hospital because my heart isn’t working right.  It is easy to get a bit crazy and spend a lot of time worrying.  Every time my heart rate or blood pressure takes a spike, I think I’m down for the count again.  I could easily become obsessed.

One thing that does seem to help is exercise.  First of all, it brings down my blood pressure and calms down my heart rate.  It also helps me relieve stress, which definitely impacts both blood pressure and heart rate.  It also makes me feel healthy.  If I can breathe hard and sweat and than recover with no ill effects, than I can’t be too sick, right?  It may not be the most logical argument in the world, but in my head it works.

Ever since this whole afib thing began, one thing I’ve promised myself was that I wouldn’t let it take over my life.  From what I’ve read, my case is pretty mild.  I’ve had a few hospitalizations, but I’m not passing out, I’m not having strokes and my heart is getting better.  Exercise seems to help with that.  At my last hospitalization, the doctor said he had seen a great improvement in my heart function.  A lot of that can be attributed to getting fitter and losing weight.

So, in the end, I know exercise has a lot of benefits.  I still hate sweating and hate exercising, but I know that, in the long run, doing both those things will be good for me, and will help keep the bad things at bay.

You really can’t argue with that.

I’m proud to announce that I am back on the exercise wagon. I finally made up my mind that I had to do something, and exercise does make me feel better and healthier. I’ve been stressing myself out a lot lately, obsessing about whether or not my heart rate was too fast or just generally obsessing. Exercise helps me relax, and has the added benefit of dropping my blood pressure and heart rate. Given that, I’m stupid if I don’t exercise every day.

I think I stopped exercising regularly because I was having a bit of a temper tantrum. I was told one way to help keep afib at bay was to eat right and exercise. I did those things, lost about 20 pounds, and the afib still came back. I guess I was looking at exercising as some kind of magic bargain. I’d sweat and my heart would work right. Apparently it isn’t that simple.

Still, I know exercise does a lot of good. I sleep better. I feel better. My blood pressure and heart rate are better. Each pound I lose only makes me healthier, and that’s good. As for the rest, my body and heart will do what they will. At least, if I way less and have better stamina, my body will be able to handle whatever comes a little more easily.

I’d say that’s worth a good daily sweat.

It’s really frustrating to see yourself going into the same old pattern and not feeling the motivation to pull yourself out.  I thought if I started working out and could see I was losing weight that would be enough to keep me going.  Now, on the other side of a week when I vowed to get back to exercising and really didn’t,  I’m wondering what will keep me motivated.

Part of the lapse I can blame on the new meds.  They’re kicking my ass and making me tired.  Part of it I suppose can be attributed to fear.  After all the whole point of the meds is to keep my heart from beating too fast and too hard.  What if I exercise and my heart gets stuck in high gear?  Even though I know that’s a pretty irrational fear, it’s still a fear I have.

Another contributing factor is equal parts laziness and anger.  I had a bargain with my body.  I would do what was necessary to get it fit, and it would behave itself.  My body isn’t consistent in keeping up its end of the bargain.  So, even though I know that losing additional weight and getting in better shape could possibly help keep episodes of afib to a minimum, part of me is being stubborn.   I often get that way when my bargains based on magical thinking don’t work.  It’s rather annoying.

I suppose the positive side to all this is that I can get back on the wagon as easily as I feel off.  The other positive side is that, even though my exercise schedule may have suffered a bit, my eating has stayed largely on track.  I’d say that’s progress.  Instead of letting both disciplines lapse, I only let one side down.  It’s still not perfect, but it is infinitely better than it was before.