I haven’t updated this blog in a while.  There are a couple of reasons for my silence.  One is the fact that I was hospitalized with double pneumonia for 10 days in the beginning of November.  When I got out of the hospital, most of my focus was on getting my stamina and strength back.  I was also barred from exercise for a while, and I allowed myself to be convinced that being sick also meant that I needed to eat to build up my strength.  Basically I gave myself a license to pork out and be lazy for the last few months.  I’ll give you one guess what the results of that were.

Now, however, it is a new year and a new start.  The good news is that most of my muscle tone has held up pretty well.  The bad news is that the pneumonia really sucked away a lot of my stamina.  It didn’t do my breathing any good either.  That means I have some ground to make up.  Some of the gains I made have now been lost, but I guess I just have to accept that.  As I generally say after any of my health adventures, it could have been worse.

I have started to get back into exercising and I’m also working on getting my eating back into shape.  Over the next few weeks I plan to share a lot of what I’m doing here on this blog.  I have some new theories about eating and a few ideas about exercise as well.  I also got some new exercise DVDs I want to review, some of which I liked, and some of which weren’t for me.

I’m looking forward to a new year and a new start on meeting my weight loss goals.  If I have any say in it, 2010 is going to be a successful and  less weighty year.

When I started this blog I had been “scared straight” I guess.  I had just come off a health scare and I knew things had to change.  I needed to lose weight and exercise not only to look and feel better but also because my lack of fitness and my excess weight was starting to effect my life in new and scary ways.   I started this journey as a person who had never successfully stuck to a diet or an exercise program and someone who was pretty much convinced I was doomed to be overweight forever.

Fast forward to now and I’ve lost a respectable about of weight, probably in the 50 pound range right now.  I exercise at least four days a week and I can now do with ease all the exercise tapes that used to make me huff and puff and sweat.  I life weights at least twice a week.  I can see based on changes in my body and in the fact that I now move and lift and exert myself much more easily, that my exercise program is working.   My body is fitter and thinner and healthier.  My doctor and cardiologist have confirmed it.  So, by all rights, I should be excited and happy.  Somehow, though, I’m not.

I guess my problem is that the newness has worn off.  Exercise is simply another thing that has been added to my daily routine.  Eating isn’t as much fun because most of the stuff I loved to eat is now off limits or I need to revise the recipes to make them healthier and I haven’t had much success with that yet.  I’m working on retraining my palette and my eating habits, but the fact is that I”ll always be a meat and potatoes girl with a side of cream sauce, cheese and bacon.  You can probably imagine how well my cardiologist likes that diet.

The urgency of getting healthy in order to save my life has worn off too.  My heart is better and the reality of the situation is that being in shape and losing weight and eating better may not have any bearing on whether or not it decides to go on the fritz again.   I know that losing weight and getting more fit is definitely the right thing to do, but I don’t get the same rush of accomplishment that I used to get.   Now it’s just something I do.

If there are any of you out there who have faced this problem, I could really use some advice.  I know I don’t want to go back to where I was, but I also don’t want something that is this big a part of my life to be nothing more than a dreary chore.  If anyone has any suggestions, please do share them.

As for me, one thing I do know I want to do is to start writing posts for this blog more frequently.  Maybe if I post about some of the things I’ve found difficult, I can get some suggestions and perhaps develop some solutions that will help others with the same problems.   Maybe that should be my new goal for this year.  I’ll have to ponder that.

I went to the cardiologist today.  As such things go, it was sort of a mixed bag.  On the down side, they don’t know what caused the afib.  They don’t know if it will happen again.  If it does happen again, we’ll have to look into surgery.  Needless to say, that’s not something I want to have happen.

On the plus side, my heart function has vastly improved.  I’m losing weight which made Cute Cardiologist very happy.  I’m not at risk for a heart attack or a stroke, and Cute Cardiologist seemed to think the afib may not reoccur if I keep following my current diet and exercise plan.  So, that’s all good.

Still, when I got back to work I discovered I was a little down.  I wanted answers and reassurances and I didn’t necessarily get them.  Everything is expressed as “maybe” or “possibly” and it leaves me facing the same unknowns I was facing before I had the appointment.  I’m not good at unknowns.  I want to be certain.

So, I was sulking a bit and feeling a little sorry for myself, when I happened to see a co-worker of mine.  She has rheumatoid arthritis and she was not having a very good day.  She was sitting at her desk and she had to get up.  It was clear from her face she was in pain.  Watching her get to her feet and walk made me hurt.  Every step was clearly painful.

Suddenly, my situation didn’t seem so bad.  I’m healthy, I’m mobile, I can do what I want, when I want.  My condition isn’t life threatening, doesn’t cause me pain and is mostly an inconvenience, if it even occurs again, which it may not do.  When I contrast that against someone who is in constant pain every moment of the day, I realize I have absolutely nothing to complain about.

So, given the fact that I have nothing to complain about, I won’t complain. Instead I’ll be grateful for my health, my improved heart function, and the fact that there’s no afib present.  I’d say that’s a lot about which to be happy.